The Old Life

I had to train a new person for the day job today. Because I work from home, this person was welcomed into my home for this training.

He's a nice guy. Young. Very bright.

He and I were both writing majors in college. It's not a common major. More likely people will be English majors. I didn't want to be an English major because they focused more on reading literature and interpreting it. No about putting your own awesome thoughts on paper. Clearly, I like to "hear" myself "talk" through my writing so being a writing major was a much better fit for me. We bonded a bit over this fact.

We had a nice moment talking about how rare of a major that is. But then he wanted to talk about what I write. And I had to say stuff like:

"I write this little blog about having my boys."

"I have 3 note books started with the novels I want to write. I haven't done any writing in close to 3 years."

"I used to write a lot. But since I had the boys...."



He saw my bookshelf and he wanted to talk. He wanted to analyze each book in there, talk about favorites, ask me if I've read a related book, and just generally judge my taste in books.

He said he approved of my book shelf.

But through all through the conversation with him, I had to make statements like:

"I haven't had a chance read that."

"I haven't read a book in...."



The fact of the matter is, having kids dramatically changes your life. I love my Bee and Moose more than I could have imagined. But I also couldn't have imagined just how different they would make my life.

I haven't read a book in way longer than I'd care to admit. But I've played with legos and play doh.

I haven't done any of my writing since they were born. But I've read hundreds of stories in a vast array of voices.

While I miss parts of my old life, it doesn't make me sad about where my life is now.

How could I look at that face and feel sad? He's the most precious thing in my world.

How can I look at this messy face and not laugh? How can I think back on the hundreds of way he's made me laugh this week, let alone in his lifetime, and be sad? I can miss parts of my old life without being mad that I'm not there any more.

Now that the boys are getting a little older, it's getting to a point where I'll soon be able to pick and choose what I do. There's definitely a time when they're small that you're just so tired....you just can't...with anything.  I won't reading a book for a whole afternoon because I can. Because I'd rather be building a fort with these guys. But when they go to bed, I'll grab my book and relish the heck out of it.